Pregnancy blew this week. Everything blows. I am an enormous, cranky, unhappy, angry person. Why is this the case? I actually have no idea. It has been coupled with an extreme first-trimester level of physical exhaustion. I don’t know if it low iron, a side-effect from my TDAP vaccine, a fluke, just the stage of pregnancy I’m at, or what. But I’m feeling very drained and very unhappy.
What’s also interesting is I find all social interaction draining, so it’s like I start Monday with a slight reserve of energy and then as I go to work, see my friends, do social things, have commitments, it drains slightly and slightly and slightly and then I just hate everyone and feel very angry. I don’t feel unlike how I felt as a 13-year-old. Some of this is also the result of all other people wanting to talk about being the pregnancy and baby. Like endlessly. I was at a party Sunday night and it was literally all anyone could think to talk to me about – so you end up having the same conversation all night and no one seems to care at all about how you are doing besides being pregnant.
My intention for this month was nourishing activities. So this includes:
- nice showers
- foot massages
- watching the Deuce with R and my feet elevated
- going to bed early
- being by myself
Maybe every day I’ll try to incorporate one of these activities into my schedule. I did make a firm decision that I am not going to schedule anything whatsoever for 2019.
On a more fun note, I am 77.7% done with pregnancy (if I deliver exactly on my due date).
The week of my last business trip, thank god. Something about hitting week 30 has made me really change my mindset from la-la-la plenty of time to OMG, the baby is almost here and we don’t have anything prepared. So yesterday, we pretty much started and finished the purchasing of the essential items (e.g. car seat, bassinet, etc.). I’m feeling very relieved that’s over, and the rest of the stuff can be easily bought as needed.
I’m trying my first pre-natal yoga class today. It’s 90 minutes but a solid 20 minute walk away, so I hope it’s awesome. My body has really been missing yoga. I still stretch every morning, but it’s not the same intensity or flow, but I also just couldn’t keep up in regular yoga class anymore. I also shifted my weights a bit to be more focused on reps rather than frequency.
Oh, and R and I took our birth class last week at the hospital! The woman who taught it was amazing. I wish she could teach every couple new to birth. She was so accessible and down-to-earth and fact-based. I had been thinking, or almost assuming, that I would get an epidural but she talked a lot about the benefits of moving during labor, and how when you stop moving, often labor slows and then then hospital will want to quicken it by using pitocin. It made me feel that between my mindfulness practice, my lifting practice, and using midwives, I am fairly well-positioned to roll with the punches of labor pains.
My mindset towards baby is increasingly wondering what she’ll look like, what her personality will be like, etc. Also interestingly, I’m sort of positive now it’s a girl, though we still haven’t confirmed the gender. For a while, I was thinking I might find out on my birthday but now I think I might wait until the very end.
A totally tiring week. Life has felt overwhelming and exhausting. I think a lot of this was coming back from the Thanksgiving holiday into five full days of work, and a lot has been the intensity of work itself. I feel like it will be nonstop until leave starts. I would love to just hang out and nap this weekend but we have an all-day birth class on Saturday. I am dreading going to it because I think it will make me fear birth more than I do now. I am much more anxious about the third trimester than I am about birth itself. Birth I feel like I can (or will) get through no matter what, and I honestly don’t feel too wedded to any particular goal or process other than healthy mom, healthy baby.
I realized post-workout has recently been the only time I feel like my ‘regular’ self and not my tired, heavy pregnancy self. Which is interesting because I sort of have started to dread my workouts a lot, but the endorphin high I get makes me feel normal.
I’m also starting to get a little stressed that we have bought exactly nothing for the baby. That fits with how we do stuff, but it would be nice to make a list and just get it all over with. Maybe this is something I can outsource to a friend who likes shopping more than we do.
In good news, an affordable to us daycare that accepts little babies opened right by our subway stop. That would be super convenient because they have extended hours, no wait list (because they are brand new), are in our budget, and are right around the corner from our apartment.
I have officially reached the point of pregnancy where all eyes are on me at the gym. I find it very disruptive. After years of lifting with literally no interference, now I feel like I am on display. But that’s okay — I’m happy I can still lift and am cautiously optimistic I can lift until pregnancy. I also decided that in lieu of yoga twice a week, I’ll do prenatal yoga once a week and try to swim once or twice a week.
I was going through my old photos and so many of my pics are of me lifting or of my muscles. It made me really miss my old lifting goals but that’s okay. I’m happy with my body and what it can do now.
Otherwise, pregnancy has been fine. Neither good nor bad. We’re taking a birth class this weekend which I’m sort of nervous about (less for the class and more for what I’m going to learn). I’ve also decided firmly on no registry and no shower which I feel great about.
Here starts trimester the third. Pregnancy has definitely been getting harder and I am finding it harder to imagine just how much more pregnant one can get. I took my last business trip this weekend and it just really wore me down. Stuff like waiting in line at the airport can tire me out now pretty easily. One night, I went to bed at 8:30. And then, because I was traveling and worn down, I got sick! And now have an awful hacking cough and lack of voice.
I’m also officially done with regular yoga. My belly just doesn’t fit into all the poses anymore, and I have to adapt like half the class. Also, even the easiest open-level class with the gentlest teacher kicks my butt. I’m just feeling tired this week, like I wish I could sleep through the rest of this pregnancy.
Yesterday, we had a freak early snowstorm and I found myself walking so gingerly through the snow. My body is moving very differently now.
Otherwise, life is good. I feel thankful to have a job that lets me work from home, a nice partner, a lovely apartment, etc., etc.
This weekend, I’d love to catch up on sleep, eat soup, have hot showers, and maybe have some casual friend dates.
Hard to imagine this is the last week of the second trimester. I had my first official appointment with the midwives this week which went…okay. It was the week for my gestational diabetes test and I got really hangry in the office and found myself thinking, “maybe I should switch back to my OB” — hah.
I passed my test with flying colors which I was sort of surprised by. I attribute a lot of it to how easy it is to ‘exercise’ in a city, because you naturally have to walk around all day to get to your activities.
The midwife was not at all concerned about my super swollen feet which was reassuring. I was also told I have anemia but I already eat most of the food sources that are high in iron that I am willing to eat. I bought a vegan drink supplement that is supposed to help, so I’ll try taking that for a while. Hopefully, it will help my energy level and circulation.
I can feel the baby move every day, so it’s definitely starting to feel more real and like an independent being that I happen to be hosting.