A real conversation I had with my Mom (who used to be a midwife yesterday).
Mom: Are you 31 weeks next week for the baby shower?
Me: What??? I’m 34 weeks today!
Mom: …oh my god. This baby could come at any time!!!
I’m a member of an online February 2019 babies group and when I logged in after this conversation, three people had had babies the night before. So this baby really could come any time. It’s interesting because I feel like in my office, there is mostly a sense of denial even though I’ll be off for six months and have been working there for 8 years or so…I haven’t even gotten approval to tell any of my clients I’m on leave.
Physically, this week definitely had some high days and low days. Sometimes, I feel physically great and sometimes I feel wrecked. Comfortable sleep is increasingly hard and I’m trying to really take it day by day. I’m also at the midwives now every other week, and in three weeks, it’ll be every week. The trip out there and back is very tiring and we still haven’t figured out a plan for getting to the hospital (an hour away) in labor…but I’m also holding some mental space for figuring everything will work out one way or another.
I’m increasingly torn between wanting the baby to come out so I can meet it, see what it looks like, snuggle it, etc., and wanting to stay pregnant because there is something very sweet about having a baby living in your belly for so long, and obviously once out, it’ll never go back in. R has been singing it two little lullabies each night which is also very sweet.
Early nostalgia of motherhood I guess.
Here is my monthly review for December. If you want to read November’s, check it out here.
1) What went well this month?
- Learning a new way to relate. I set an intention this month to not argue with my family at all. They have been in a space of providing an overwhelming amount of advice that I often resisted. This month, I set an intention of relating to that in a new way — just listening to the feedback, but not really reacting or responding to it. It’s been pretty transformative.
- A nice morning routine. I’ve developed a very nice morning routine — meditation, stretching, using my light box. It’s long but gentle and leaves me in a good state of mind for things to come.
2) What didn’t go well this month?
- Work productivity. I’ve been so unmotivated and disinterested. Some of that is just physical, but a lot is lack of buy-in and a sense that I’m sort of just waiting to go on leave.
3) What did I work on last month and how did it go?
- Nourishment. This went really well. I’ve structured my weekends in a very relaxing way and have worked from home every other day or so which really helps my energy level.
4) What am I working towards?
- Feeling mentally good around baby prep. I’m in the final stretches of pregnancy and we’ve started to buy some things and put them in place — a bassinet, a carseat, some clothes, etc. I want to feel mostly finished and at ease in the next week or so instead of feeling stressed around everything I need to get done.
- More single-tasking and less internet browsing. I set a soft intention for January 1st to be a bit more focused in the moment. I’ve been having very consistent daily meditations, but there’s a lot of noise in my head. I want to live in the present moment a bit more.
- Nourishment. I want to keep this as an intention because it’s so helpful for me to decide which activities to partake in and how to treat my time.
About a year ago, I made my first blog post. I don’t recall doing this, but apparently I just jumped right in with a book review, and no introduction around what I wanted this blog to me. But it’s worked pretty well, for me at least, over the last year.
In 2018, I…
- Read and reviewed 27 books:
- Watched and reviewed 7 movies:
- I have chronicled most of my first pregnancy — starting at Pregnancy Week 11.
- I reviewed most months of the year —
Wrote a whole bunch about assorted topics, including: Intuitive Lifting; A Work Uniform; My Daily Habit Tracker; Taking a tech sabbath; Packing Light; Giving up on Happiness; and my new favorite website: Urban Baby.
Here’s to a happy and healthy 2019 for us all!
Life was good this week. It is the week between Christmas and New Year’s – which included a visit (workout & brunch) with our besties who moved out to Oregon, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home with the family, my birthday at a Korean spa (which included an insanely invasive but delicious scrub), and then back in the office for one day.
Oh, and also my 30th birthday!
Normally, I have a fairly angsty birthday which I think is mostly due to where it falls in the calendar and seasonal year. But this year, it was totally overshadowed by being super pregnant, which I enjoyed. It felt like a thing I could let go of a bit more than usual, because it wasn’t the most pressing part of my mental list.
I also set an intention to not have any arguments with my family while I was home with Christmas and enjoyed the bliss of blamelessness instead 🙂
Movie Review #7: Moonstruck
What a fantastic movie! Literally laugh out loud funny. Each actor is perfectly suited to the character they play, and I loved that the romance focuses on both older and younger couples.
I slept for 10 hours last night, so woke up in a fantastic mood. It’s a very rainy Friday right before the holidays, and I’m on track to get everything I wanted done at work pretty easily. I’m so excited to spend some time with R who I haven’t seen in a while and have been really missing. And I did a lot of fun stuff this week — had dinner with my bestie, saw the Nutcracker, had an amazing foot and chair massage, had lunch with my other bestie, etc. It was nice to socialize with some people I hadn’t seen in a while.
I’m realizing on nights when I sleep a lot (at least 8 hours), I feel pretty good the next day. But if I ever sleep less, I feel awful. It’s sort of manageable as someone who is pregnant but with no kids, but I wonder how that flies if you already have a child…
Only eight weeks left to go, and that’s if I land exactly on the due date. So it could be as early as five weeks or as late as ten weeks. We’ll see!
I have not read a full book in months and months; hence, the lack of book reviews on my blog. But I did want to share books that I read, even if in pieces and not in whole, that I thought were helpful for pregnancy.
1) Mindful Birthing. I LOVED this book. It covers an adaptation of the 8-week Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction Program (MBSR) to pregnancy, childbirth, and early parenting. It was full of helpful exercises related to pain practice, meditative techniques, etc. It was the first book that made me feel relatively okay about giving birth.
2) The Birth Partner. Technically a book for “dads and doulas”, I found this helpful to read myself. It provides a really great overview of various stages of labor and what techniques may be helpful to get through each. A little more anti-epidural that I’m into, but you can get a lot of good information.
3) Headed Home with your Newborn. A very, very practical guide to early weeks with a baby. I especially liked that the recommendations were not just grounded in science, but what’s actually feasible. For example, they take the line that you don’t have to bathe your baby that much before they start crawling because they aren’t getting that dirty.
4) Expecting better. A data-driven book, it has very concrete statistics re miscarriage rates, whether sushi and drinking are actually bad for you during pregnancy, and pros/cons of various birth interventions.
I tried to read many, many other books and I found them to be almost universally fear-mongering, not grounded in science, or just totally insane. So thought I would share the few that stood out as helpful resources 🙂