Tomorrow starts October. A month where my partner turns 40 and has his last month of parental leave, MG starts daycare, and its Halloween and Diwali, back to back. It’s making me feel very pre-nostalgic. Fall is a very fresh start, back-to-school sense for me, but it increasingly makes me think of growing old and dying. Or, just dying. Who knows when? I often wear an extremely comfortable, enormous t-shirt to bed that says “this body will be a corpse.” It’s morbid but true (and no, I did not buy this shirt — it was given to me from a meditation center that was closing). I feel like MG is so fun and so much of a kid right now — like has clear thoughts and preferences, and you can actually communicate with her. At the same time, she’s such a cuddly, squishy, loving and loveable baby. I wish I could sort of pause this era of my life. I would not have said this even a month or two ago, but it makes me look forward to having another baby.
Often I try to commit to monthly goals, but this month, I want to just try embracing the messiness lovingly and mindfully. So I commit to loving presence and daily meditation practice, and lots of grace for myself and for others.
How funny. We are spending the weekend in NYC and I thought, I should write a blog to reflect on what would make a nice weekend. And that is 100% the topic of my last blog entry.
Friday — we have started a new tradition of having a post-bedtime Friday night date. We get takeout, set the table and light candles, and sometimes watch a show. We have been talking about watching the Americans and got someone to give us their Amazon pw so we could do so. So cozy evening in to be immediately preceded by bring MG by a local friend’s house for her game night.
Sat – I will go to the gym and deadlift 120 pounds. Slowly inching back towards normal weight. My front squat will be 75. The nice thing about lifting limited weight is that I’m in and out of the gym in 30 mins. Then I get to eat whatever I want the rest of the day. Hopefully, we’ll also take a walk and see some friends. Oh, and choose a nice recipe to cook for lunches this week.
Sunday – hopefully seeing some friends or maybe getting out of town?
Elements that would make for a good weekend:
- – de cluttering
- – cooking a new recipe
- – watching the Americans
- – completing my lifting workout and going to yoga
- some time alone in a coffee shop
We have not been spending many weekends in NYC recently. Often with the grandparents, and coming and going from CT. This was my first week of full-time work since February and there’s about to be a big rainstorm. I feel like in the “old days”, we would have a weekend full of plans for working out, eating out, lounging, running errands, etc. But it’s strange now having a weekend with the baby, especially in city. We go for a lot of walks, but MG is still young enough that there’s not too much you can do with her, especially if the weather is bad.
I signed up for a personal retreat weekend. The sort of deal where you can do whatever you want in your room or on the grounds, but all your meals are prepared and you don’t have access to technology. But the idea of it makes me feel sort of lonely. What I really want is time with R…but then, I miss MG when it is just the two of us!
There’s an interesting tension in my time now, always wanting what I don’t have and often wanting to be where I’m not.
So what would make it a good weekend? I’ll say…
- seeing friends
- working out
- having a hot shower
- making a meal
- playing with MG
- watching a TV show?!
Seems fairly doable.
A while ago, I was really into my daily habit tracker. I had five daily habits: 10k steps, no sugar, time with R, meditation, and stretching. Since then, a lot has happened. I became pregnant, had a baby, came back to work, etc. I’ve been thinking about what my new habits should be. My short-list so far is:
- Food journaling. I am very not into diets or anything insane, but have 10 pounds of “baby weight” left to lose and thought writing down all the food I eat might help with some internal accountability.
- Intermittent fasting. Linked to the above, I’ve been trying to eat in a window of 10 hours and fast for the other 14 (which isn’t as bad as it sounds because I’m typically asleep for 8 of them).
- Deep work. Now that I’m back at work, I would like to become a super productive beast.
- Daily workout and nightly stretching.
- Meditation. As usual.
And, I would love to put something on their like nourishment, but I’m not sure exactly what would fit. Left to my own devices, I become very routine-oriented (which is good in many ways), but can lose opportunities to have fun.