A real conversation I had with my Mom (who used to be a midwife yesterday).

Mom: Are you 31 weeks next week for the baby shower?

Me: What??? I’m 34 weeks today!

Mom: …oh my god. This baby could come at any time!!!

I’m a member of an online February 2019 babies group and when I logged in after this conversation, three people had had babies the night before. So this baby really could come any time. It’s interesting because I feel like in my office, there is mostly a sense of denial even though I’ll be off for six months and have been working there for 8 years or so…I haven’t even gotten approval to tell any of my clients I’m on leave.

Physically, this week definitely had some high days and low days. Sometimes, I feel physically great and sometimes I feel wrecked. Comfortable sleep is increasingly hard and I’m trying to really take it day by day. I’m also at the midwives now every other week, and in three weeks, it’ll be every week. The trip out there and back is very tiring and we still haven’t figured out a plan for getting to the hospital (an hour away) in labor…but I’m also holding some mental space for figuring everything will work out one way or another.

I’m increasingly torn between wanting the baby to come out so I can meet it, see what it looks like, snuggle it, etc., and wanting to stay pregnant because there is something very sweet about having a baby living in your belly for so long, and obviously once out, it’ll never go back in. R has been singing it two little lullabies each night which is also very sweet.

Early nostalgia of motherhood I guess.