Upholding, with a side of questioning

Do you know about the Four Tendencies Framework?

It refers to how you respond to inner and external expectations. There are four categories you can fall into:

  • upholding — you follow through on all internal and external expectations
  • questioning – you follow through on expectations only if you think they are worthwhile
  • obliging – you only follow through on external expectations
  • rebel – you don’t follow through on internal or external obligations

I am definitely an upholder and – thus – prone to what is called “tightening” where I create a new habit and then make it more and more and more and more strict until I’m insane. For example — I started a habit to walk 10,000 steps each day and would walk in loops around my apartment complex until I got there. Or, I just cannot seem to take a day off the gym without extreme guilt even if my body feels really exhausted.

You can take a quiz here to figure out your own tendency and there’s also a book for those who want to go further.

A Yearly February Vacation

One of my few life rules is to always take a February vacation. February is often the lowest part of the year for me. Winter feels long, my lightbox doesn’t feel enough like sunshine, and I am just generally grumpy, moody, and want a break.

This year, we’re going to…

Tucson, Arizona! Have you been? It will be my first time, though we did have a really incredible vacation to Sedona a few Februaries prior.

I’m looking forward to margaritas, hiking, dance clubs, a few lifting workouts, and hot sunshine.

Taking a tech sabbath

I’ve referenced tech sabbaths before. I refer to them as periods of time where you don’t meaningfully engage in technology. For them to work for me, my phone has to be off. Not just off, butI must have prepared myschedule in such a way that I know I won’t need my phone again for a while. So, if I have a brunch date on Sunday, I have to know the exact time, place, directions, etc. knowing I’ll be without my phone the day of.

About a minute after turning my phone off, I feel this total-body loosening. Like a rushing, soothing sensation takes over my brain and body.

About five minutes after turning my phone off, I start to get bored. I feel antsy, curious about the news, anxious that someone is trying to contact me.

And then I find a project — re-organizing our entryway closet, Marie Kondo-ing my clothes, reading all my old New Yorkers.

Have you ever taken a tech sabbath? I also love the idea of idea of this Sabbath Manifesto and would love to get my life to a place where I could follow those principles weekly.


Letter of Recommendation

Have you read the NYT’s Letter of Recommendation column? I just discovered it and it’s amazing. People write a letter to an unappreciated object. Some of my favorites have been: looking out the window, karaoke at home, in-flight movies, sick days, and blind contour drawing

Go forth and read! It’s updated online every Thursday and published in the weekend magazine.

Scenes from New York

Me (upon hearing a song my partner hums all the time but can’t figure out the name of): Hey, do you know the name of this song?

Cashier: umm, no, I don’t. Sorry!

Me: Hey, do you know the name of this song?

Security card: Yeah, what’s the name of this song?! It’s…uh…Luca! Luca, do you know the name of this song?

Luca: I don’t — I think we can ask Siri. [Gets out phone] Siri, what song is playing?

Luca: Siri says I think it’s This Girl by Kungs.

Me: Thanks!!! [Eagerly looks forward to surprising her partner with song when she gets home]